Last week I was getting the jitters about taking my new live set out on the stage. Even though I had some great rehearsals and recordings here at home, I wasn’t sure how the whole thing would flow together.
This week, my anxiety level was going up even higher. To make matters worse, I was putting off a formal rehearsal.
Last night I decided to do a live stream of my rehearsal because I thought that the pressure of people watching would actually make it a rehearsal, and not something that I could easily back out of and sit on the couch.
Just before going live on ustream with my practise, I was stricken with intense panic. I thought I was going to have a heart attack if I didn’t call it off. But before I knew it, I was there, in the flow of what I love doing the most. I realized I had nothing to be afraid of.
After a great session, I realized that no one had tuned in, and it didn’t record the performance in my kitchen. Woopsies. I thought, “no big deal, I will be out doing it in front of real people tomorrow”.
Today I was waiting to hear back from the promoter about some info regarding set time and soundcheck, and I wasn’t hearing anything. It turns out the gig is cancelled.
This week I had two false alarms… the stream that seemingly didn’t exist, in preparation for a show that didn’t happen. But I couldn’t be happier, since the first person to book me after this point is getting a more confident performer.
Sometimes in life, we need a few false starts.